Wow… the romance questions just keep on coming. Zandra asks – are we officially dating – in this one:
I read your post yesterday about texting etiquette, and thought you gave great advice.
I know you’re not a dating coach, but, as I do suffer social anxiety – I can find dating and social conventions quite confusing.
Like you, I was out of the dating game for a long time.
Not because I was married or in a relationship – I had to travel a lot for work and I was in denial about my wishes never to have children.
Anyway – I met a wonderful man – let’s call him “Steve”.
Rather than sweeping me off my feet, my relationship with Steve is a slow burn.
We have known one another for years.
Though years of different relationships, different jobs and different living situations, we have kept in touch.
Now we are living in the same city. And I think that I will probably stay put in this city for some time.
We have been meeting regularly, spending a lot of time together and, yes – having lots of sex.
It’s been wonderful.
But I’m not the kind of girl who likes to share.
How do I ask him if we are monogamous?
Are we officially dating?
Like – exclusively?
Thanks for trusting me with this question.
As an energy healer, I deal with the underlying dynamics of social anxiety and heal people at a soul/spiritual level…
So I will do my best to just explain how I would probably approach things if I were in your situation.
And please bear in mind that I am objective in this situation – if my feelings were involved here I would probably be just as lost as you are.
So my first instinct is to ask you why you haven’t gained clarity on this already.
I get that you and Steve have had a long-term distance type of correspondence over the years but now the Universe has conspired to bring you together in the same place at the same time.
Naturally, you guys are seeing more of each other so the dynamic of your relationship has obviously changed.
The nature of the Universe is: It only moves forward, expanding and accelerating as it goes.
So if you look to Universal law on this one – it points to an answer of:
Yes, you are officially dating.
But you still need to get clear on this.
You still need to make sure that Steve is not off banging his neighbour or anything like that, on the mistaken belief that he can have his cake and eat it too.
How to do this:
Invite Steve to your favourite date place.
Wherever you most like to hang out together.
His place, your place, favourite café, the park… wherever you most enjoy each other’s company.
Get the conversation started however feels most comfortable for you, and at the right time, drop this question:
“So… are we official, you and I?”
His reaction will tell you everything.
You will either stroll off into the sunset together, or run in opposite directions for the hills.
But this question needs to be asked.
So be brave.
You deserve clarity on this.
Love + light
PS – Yesterday’s post covered a similar topic, when Bridgette asked Should I text him?