It should be fairly simple, shouldn’t it, my Butterfly?
I mean, how to be a good friend should be a fairly straightforward thing.
Most people just think, “How would I like to be treated?” and then do that.
But the thing is: Not everyone needs the same thing at the same time.
And there will be times when you are definitely at a loss about what is the right thing to do or say, or whether doing or saying ANYTHING is the right thing at all.
Especially if you feel held back by social anxiety.
So while – yes, there are people out there who make being a good friend look easy – the reality is that friendships do that a lot of work.
And I applaud you for doing some research into what your friend’s needs might be – that shows a tremendous amount of caring and selflessness.
You want to know how you can be a good friend, but you’re unsure of exactly what is needed of you.
And the short answer is: BE YOU.
Just be you.
Be you, in the You-est way you can be.
There’s no use in trying to be anyone else.
You are amazing. Awesome. A really good person.
And anyone would be lucky to be your friend.
So you need to stop doubting yourself, and start to listen to what your gut-feeling is telling you that you need to do.
Whatever way you decide to be a good friend is going to be giving the best of yourself.
So you need to cut out any ideas of comparing yourself to other people or trying to keep up or compete with what someone else might be doing.
You just need to look at yourself and what you have, and decide what you are willing to offer.
And sometimes it’s the smaller actions coming straight from the heart, that count.
So it’s definitely not about the size of the gift, or the amount of time spent, or the acts of service performed.
What matters is the connection that you have with your friend – and your willingness to bring the best of yourself into your friendship.
Of course, in order to do this, you need to make sure that your values complement each other.
Your values don’t need to be the same – but they do need to support each other.
So for example, if your friend values marriage – that doesn’t mean that you need to be married.
It DOES mean that you cannot try to run off with her husband.
And while that may sound funny, you would be amazed by how many women waste years trying to make friendships work that simply don’t line up at the most basic fundamental level.
You need to feel a true connection. A true LIKE for your friend.
You shouldn’t be trying to be a good friend because you feel you have to, or you believe you owe it to her.
How to be a good friend should come straight from the heart, because you want to be there for her.
But it’s not always as easy as that.
And it is also not quite as easy because – sometimes when you act from the heart, the way your friendship is received isn’t quite as you’d hoped.
You worry that you’re doing the wrong thing, or worse – not being noticed at all.
When you get nothing back, or things aren’t received in quite the way you’d hoped, you have two choices:
1. Give up
This actually an option.
And there are definitely times when it’s the best option to take.
Take this option and give up on the friendship forever if you NEVER get anything back, or if you always come away from the exchange depleted and feeling like ‘Why do I bother?”.
2. Keep trying
Also an option.
And, contrary to the popular belief that seems to be drummed into women – you should not just keep on trying and keep on trying against all odds.
That’s called being stupid.
But you should keep trying if you can see that your friend needs you, and you can see signs that your effort is at least noticed (if not appreciated).
I know I’m making it sound like a lot of hard work, but here’s the truth:
It shouldn’t need to FEEL like hard work.
There should be that motivation that propels you forward – that spark – that “reason why” you are still there, working on the friendship.
Even if you don’t know what the motivation actually is.
That FEELING should still be there.
And if you have trouble locating that feeling, it’s because you have an energy block that’s getting in the way of you being able to express yourself like the wonderful friend you are.
Yep – it’s true.
An energy block – which most usually forms when something happens in the past (this life, or even a previous life) that causes trauma, and then the trauma gets something like energetic scar tissue that builds up around it.
Energy blocks are actually protective mechanisms.
Just like your physical body, your energy body wants to protect itself.
And if a trauma happens that causes an injury that your energy body isn’t quite sure how to process it, your energy body will hold onto it.
The trouble with this approach is: The block starts to get in the way of other things you want to do.
The energy (which should be flowing happily and freely around your body) gets caught up in the energy block so you find ways to work around it.
And this works for a while, until energy starts to become unbalanced in other areas of your body, and it becomes very obvious that you have issues that need to be resolved.
These issues can take the form of physical sickness, “bad luck”, or being unable to get traction in an area of your life you would like to progress in.
So it becomes obvious – the trauma needs to be dealt with, and the block needs to be removed.
But actually, doing it is easier – and more pleasant – than you might think.
You’ll need to find some time and space where you won’t be interrupted for an hour or so.
This exercise takes a little longer than the usual exercises, because it involves writing down your thoughts and feelings, straight from the heart.
It involves forgiveness, but first you need to uncover what it is that you are forgiving.
(And for the record: Forgive simply means acknowledging what it is that’s holding you back, and allowing yourself to move forward.)
Step 1: Grab some paper and a pen. Take a deep breath and ask this question:
“What’s holding me back from truly being a good friend?”
Even if it doesn’t make sense.
Even if it seems to have NOTHING to do with friendship at all.
Just write, and keep on writing.
Allow those words to tumble out onto the page.
Stop judging – just let it flow.
And as you allow your words to flow, you may notice that the tears begin to flow as well.
This is good, and this is healthy.
It means that years of trapped energy is being released.
None of it needs to make sense to you.
Emotions are illogical.
Your energy blocks are illogical.
Whatever you are writing is perfectly fine.
It is YOU, YOUR story.
It deserves to be expressed.
Keep writing until you feel that you are done.
How do you know you are done?
You feel whole and complete.
You will feel peaceful.
You will feel like everything that needed to be said, has been said.
Step 2: Take this feeling of wholeness and completeness, and, in your mind’s eye, wrap it around the paper you’ve been writing on.
Send the energy of the relief that comes from getting the emotions out of your body and onto the page.
Wrap that energy around the paper, as it sits in front of you.
Next, I want you to mentally take a scan of your energetic body.
You do this by closing your eyes and bringing your awareness through the different parts of your body, one bit at a time.
(You can start anywhere – I prefer to begin at my heart chakra, then work down, and then bring my attention back up to my heart chakra, then work up).
As you bring your attention to the different parts of your body, you will feel different sensations and notice where the energy seems lighter and darker, denser and sparser.
Or… you will feel nothing. That is perfectly fine as well!
But at some stage, you will come to find the place in your body where the block, that was holding you back from being a good friend, was living.
If you can’t feel it, just imagine it.
And bring that same feeling of wholeness and completeness, and flood the area with love and light.
You don’t need to fight it.
You don’t need to question it.
You don’t need to try to “shift it”.
Simply allow it to be there.
Accept it, completely.
When you feel ready, ground yourself and get back into engaging with the world again.
You may notice results immediately.
Or they may take some time.
But the important thing to remember is this: A shift has taken place.
You have taken the steps to dissolving the energy block that has been standing in your way.
Energy moves, so as you remove blocks, be prepared for changes to happen elsewhere in your life.
The changes may seem unrelated – but you can be guaranteed that ANY change around you is the result of shifting that block.
So, be prepared for changes.
Because the block you have forgiven has probably been holding up energy in other areas of your life as well.
Everything is connected, there are no coincidences.
You might even find that you need to do the exercise several times, to fully notice an impact.
At some stage, however, there will be an impact.
And you will start to notice a change in the dynamic of your friendships.
Friends may flow in.
Friends may flow out.
You WILL see a change in the dynamic of your friendships.
You will feel more empowered.
More sure of what you want to do.
There will be a change in the energy around you, and there for a change in the energy of what you see in front of you.
You might even get people asking how to be a good friend to YOU!
You deserve to experience the best parts of friendship, after all.
By setting intentions and allowing yourself the space to process and forgive your energetic blocks, you will create opportunities to experience the best from friendship.
Remember: This journey you’re on, is not about “them”.
It’s about YOU.
Everything you experience is simply the echo of the signal that you have put out the the Universe in the first place.
Every. Single. Thing.
If your friendships are not fulfilling, or are one-sided, you need to forgive that block.
You need to focus on what you DO want, and you will begin to emit that frequency instead.
I’m not going to pretend it’s easy – broadcasting a new signal when you are constantly receiving feedback from the echo.
But it is worth your time and effort to focus and forgive.
Your future self, and your friends, will thank you for it.
Love + light
PS – I would love it if you could share a comment below, or share this post on social media!