Are you feeling lonely out of nowhere, my Butterfly?
Or is this something that has been building up over time?
Is – I need friends – creeping into your thoughts, more and more regularly?
It’s probably a bit of all of these things if you’re honest – it’s been building up slowly over time due to social anxiety, but it’s only now that your loneliness has reached critical mass so you notice it enough for it to really affect you.
The first thing to note is, that this loneliness has nothing to do with YOU fundamentally, as a person.
Loneliness is something you FEEL, not something you ARE.
Yes, it has everything to do with the circumstances as they currently are, but YOU – as a person – are separate from the emotion of loneliness.
It’s an irony that the feeling of loneliness and social anxiety is all about the feeling of separation that you feel from the rest of humanity.
Whether you’re missing someone in particular, or just wish you had more friends in general, loneliness is a cruel, isolating feeling that makes you question everything about yourself.
You wonder what you’ve done wrong, to make everybody abandon you.
Or maybe… you know what you’ve done.
Either way it doesn’t matter.
You need to understand that YOU are not your loneliness, and you are NOT doomed to feel this way forever.
The first thing you need to do is to release all feelings of abandonment and betrayal (or the guilt that you feel about being the abandoner or betrayer, the energy is the same).
You need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.
Even if it’s hard.
Even if you don’t want to.
Even if you despise what you see.
Look at yourself in the mirror and make eye contact.
And introduce yourself.
“Hi, I’m Eva.”
“I’m pleased to meet you.”
“No, really – I am.”
I love you and I forgive you.
And with those two magic words – “love” and “forgive” – you begin to release yourself from this cruel lonely spell you find yourself caught in.
Even if you’re full of self-doubt.
Even if you think it will do no good.
Even if stuff like this never works for you.
You’ve taken a big energetic step and moved a lot of toxicity from your aura, so be proud of yourself.
Making eye contact with yourself and speaking words of love is no easy thing.
And it will become easier the more that you do it.
Because I want you to do MORE – of it… A LOT MORE OF IT.
In fact, every time you catch a glimpse of your own reflection, I want you to whisper “I love you and I forgive you.”
Yep, every single time.
Until it becomes second-nature.
Until it becomes automatic.
And until you come to FEEL the TRUTH of those words in the core of your heart.
Until I need friends is replaced by I love you and I forgive you.
Because as you come to believe those words, you will begin to notice a shift in your outer world as well.
People will smile at you.
Conversations will begin, easily, out of nowhere.
You will begin to see the absolute abundance of people who are really just your type.
And where have they come from?
You will have manifested them.
WAIT – before you click away – I just want to explain my take on manifestation.
To me, manifestation is not about magicking something out of nothing.
It’s not about The Secret, the “Ask/Believe/Receive” thing.
Although I do believe in the Law of Attraction and the Law of Abundance, that’s not what I’m talking about at all, in this case.
I’m talking about the simple premise, that people like people who like themselves.
If you’ve been asking things like ‘Why is it so easy for other people to make friends, but so hard for me?”
Or things like “I would be a way better friend to her than SHE is”
… then you need to consider the emotions you’re building up inside yourself, and the energetic impact they make in the wider world.
Because people pick up on that stuff.
People see you walking around, looking lonely and angry and they don’t want to approach that.
Why? Because you look and feel unapproachable.
Let me tell you about a good friend of mine.
Long blonde hair, big blue eyes with lovely long eyelashes, a great body and a beautiful personality as well.
She had a guy come up to her in a bar one night and say this:
“You look like you have Fuck Off stamped on your forehead”
I wasn’t there, but my friend admits it was true.
She was having a bad night, and was probably wondering why she had nobody talking to her!
And while her story is on the extreme end of the spectrum, the same works when you are trying to make platonic friendships with other women.
Every part of you sends a message.
You convey your mood and your state of mind, even when you are saying and doing nothing.
The expression on your face, the way you walk, the way you sit, heck – even the way you drive – tell the world your story.
People pick up on your energy, without even knowing it.
But here’s the thing – when you send a message to the world, you are sending that message on a certain frequency.
Just like a radio station uses a frequency to broadcast their messages and music.
And for a person to be able to perceive what is coming from that radio station, they must also be tuned into that same frequency.
So if you’re broadcasting on frequency 97.7 Fuck-off FM, you will only gain the attention of people who are also broadcasting a message of “fuck off”, or who want to be TOLD “fuck off” (ie pests).
You don’t want this.
You want people to be tuned into the frequency of the REAL you – so you need to start BROADCASTING ON THIS FREQUENCY.
And the very first step to broadcasting on the frequency of the real you, it to know who the real you is.
Because I know that sometimes – you don’t really know who you are anymore.
I know that you have lost that sense of who you are, underneath the heaviness of everything that has happened to you in this life.
Don’t get me wrong – most of the things that have happened to you are simply wonderful.
Things like getting married and having kids.
But – let’s be honest here – marriage and kids is work.
Time consuming work.
Energy consuming work.
Life consuming work.
You’ve lost who you are, because it’s buried underneath what you do.
It’s true that you never realise how much free time you had until you no longer have it anymore.
And all of these things leave you feeling drained, depleted and tired.
So damn tired.
Tired from constantly giving and giving, and pretending like everything is fine when it isn’t.
Believe me – you’re NOT alone – no matter how much you feel that you are.
I think every woman in the western world has felt lost and alone at some time or another.
But that doesn’t mean you need to stay lost and alone.
It doesn’t mean that things can’t change.
In fact, they can – and they will change quickly.
And it will take you hardly any time at all.
You need to get to know who YOU are and what YOU stand for.
You need to know what your values are.
I’ll be waiting.
Ok – completed the values exercise?
I’m serious when I say you need to do this (actually do it) before you proceed any further.
When you’ve completed the exercise you will have a much clearer idea of who you are, at the deepest level.
The next step is to look at your life, and decide what is in alignment with these values.
Things that align, keep those.
Things that directly contradict? No question – cut them out.
And there will be a bunch of things that fall in-between, that you will need to look more deeply at, in order to see whether they support or contradict your values (hint: your gut instinct is the short-cut to getting the answer to this).
So this exercise isn’t just about things in your life, it’s about people too.
I know it sounds insane to feel lonely when you’re married and have kids etc – but the truth is, many of us do.
And while I’m not suggesting you ditch your husband and your kids, I want you to consider:
How much does being a wife and a mother swallow you as a person?
And how much of the “real you” are you ALLOWING into your role as a wife and mother?
By becoming MORE of yourself, not only will you have a happier husband and kids…
You will notice…
You are attracting new friends who align with the same values that you have.
Simply by living the values you hold.
Simply by cutting out, and no longer standing for, the things that you don’t agree with.
Simply by being you.
Of course, it’s easy to make an overnight change.
But it’s not so easy to keep up a big, swooping change – especially when things get hard.
And life gets busy again.
Which is why I suggest you take baby steps.
And set yourself some uniquely purposeful targets.
What are uniquely purposeful targets?
They are things you want to achieve, in alignment with your values.
Basically, they are goals.
And all goals begin with an intention.
So to set an intention, I want you to get quiet.
Find a time when you won’t be interrupted, and get still.
Put your left hand over your heart, and your right hand over your solar plexus chakra.
Close your eyes.
Bring your intention to your root chakra, and see tree roots coming out the soles of your feet, going down through the floor, though the dirt, way down to connect with the core of the earth.
And then bring your awareness back up to the centre of your chest, where the spark of white light lives within you.
Expand that white light.
Expand it right out, beyond your body, beyond the room, beyond your house, beyond your city.
Beyond your planet.
Expand that white light right out until it connects with the white light of the Universe.
You will know when it happens because you will feel an immense sense of peace and gratitude.
You will be home.
And in this space, I want you to send this message:
“I am so happy and grateful, now, that I radiate the right frequency to attract the best friends to me.
I am so happy and grateful, that simply by living in alignment with who I am , and by putting more of the real me into my everyday life, I am drawing wonderful new people into my sphere.
I am so deeply grateful that I feel loved and supported in everything I do.”
Feel it now.
Feel the warmth from your heart as you know you have just changed your frequency at the source.
And open your eyes and return to reality when you feel ready.
After setting your intention, making goals will be easier.
Especially if you know what your values are – making goals will be the next logical step.
When I say “goals” – they don’t need to be BIG – they can be quite small steps forward.
And they will probably come to you quickly, easily and naturally.
So don’t push too much here – not yet anyway.
The change has been made at the source.
You will not feel so lonely soon.
The friendships you desperately crave are on their way to you.
And YOU know that you are within your power to change how you feel, about anything, at any given time.
Love + light
PS – If you have trouble making and keeping platonic friendships with other women, I want to know how you feel. Please complete my survey here and I will send you a free training on how to get better, deeper, stronger friendships in your life.