by Eva (channeled from Spirit)
I understand that you get frustrated with yourself, my Butterfly.
You have been promising yourself that you will do something about your social anxiety for a long time.
And it’s not for lack of research, that you haven’t quite found what “clicks” for you yet.
It’s not through lack of action – you have followed through on everything you possibly could to get you a head start on this healing journey.
You’re not one of those people who just says that they will do whatever it takes to heal – you actually follow the programs and yet, still don’t get the results.
Perhaps your life was meant to be this way?
Perhaps your sacred contract involves an unceasing struggle against the burden of social anxiety – and your lessons are really just to learn what the hope/disappointment see-saw feels like?
Perhaps you will come to the end of your life, having never truly healed from social anxiety, and get to heaven’s gate and bow your head and say “I failed” when in actual fact, failure is your lesson?
It’s not likely, but it’s a thought that’s worth considering, and it’s a thought that’s worth following through on.
Thinking logically, why would this make sense?
Why would God put you on this earth to fail?
Why would failure be your lesson?
Would it be to learn humility, or empathy, or struggle?
Perhaps it’s so you can learn that there isn’t really a destination called “happiness” – and that happiness is an attitude that you need to cultivate, irrespective of external conditions?
Maybe all of these lessons revolve around ego – releasing it, and coming into the fullness of truth of who you really are.
You could search and search and search for meaning in what you perceive to be “failure” – but then, you probably wouldn’t really be failing at all.
To fail means that you don’t do something – you miss something, or neglectsomething.
Failure is not something that you actively DO.
So it stands to reason, that as long as you are doing something – anything – in the direction of what you want to achieve, you are not failing.
Regardless of results.
Lack of results may be disappointing, yes, but it’s not the same as failing.
Failure ends the game. There is no going back after failure. It’s very final.
And many things masquerade as failure – something not working out as you’d hoped, feeling empty in your current life as it is, or being too scared to take a leap based on feeling disappointed in the past.
These things are not failure – they are your ego hurting.
And as you become more distant from an event that has caused you embarrassment, fear, anxiety or any other trauma, you get more perspective.
You feel stronger. At first a little, and then a lot.
You feel “strong enough” to try and beat your social anxiety again. (Hint: you do this, not by focusing on the anxiety, but on what you really DO want.)
And it feels a bit like magic, how you begin to entertain the notion that maybe (just maybe!) you’re not a failure after all, and that suddenly there seems to be an abundance of treatment options that you are willing to risk putting your faith into.
I get that you’re sensitive, Butterfly. I get that you feel fragile. But I also get that you are intelligent, and connected and wise beyond your own imagining.
And there’s no way that God would put you on this planet to fail. Why would He do that?
Far more likely that you are judging yourself way too harshly, and the game is far from over for you.
Love + light