Trust is a loaded topic, my Butterfly.
Because trust means different things to different people.
At the spiritual level, having trust means that you have a deep belief that everythingwill be ok, even if things currently don’t feel so good.
This deep belief comes from an internal knowing. Knowing that everything that happens is for your greater good. If you learn a lesson or grow from it, it is for your greater good.
I know that many of my Butterflies have been through terrible things at the hands of others. Pain, physical or emotional, inflicted or enabled by someone they should have been able to depend on – the damage runs deep.
Many, many survivors of abuse experience social anxiety. In fact, I would go so far as to say that all social anxiety has its roots in abuse or bullying at some time in your past, even if you don’t remember it.
And when you’ve been through something as awful as that, it’s natural to expect it to happen again.
Even if, logically, you know that this is impossible.
Why do these scars manifest as these sort of patterns?
Well, it’s because life on planet earth is all about spirals and cycles.
Things repeat in a cyclical manner, for better or for worse.
And when something happens that your brain registers as a negative experience, it is filed under “threat”.
So every time you become triggered, your brain pulls this threat file and you wil do everything you can to protect yourself.
You already know this: this is nothing new to you.
But if you want to move on from social anxiety, you need to be open to trying new ways to heal.
You can begin to move forward before you really feel it. In fact, it’s kinda necessary. YOU drive the vehicle of your life, so you need to steer it.
And for a while, you will get no results. In fact, for a time, you might even feel like you’re going backwards.
Trust is about seeing the value in the healing process, believing it will work, believing it is possible for you, before you see the concrete evidence.
And I KNOW you’ve been burnt before.
I know you’ve had your hopes raised, and every channel opened, just to have it blow up in your face.
I understand that feeling, and I’ve been there.
It truly takes courage to pull together your feelings, as much as they hurt, and move on with your healing process.
Putting yourself out there and trying again is daunting. At every step, your primal brain will be warning you that you are in threatening territory.
But you need to always keep in mind what you are fighting for.
And as a hint, it isn’t the short-term gain. It’s not about keeping your husband happy by going to the party with him or riding the bus to visit your friend in the hospital – although these things are great and are worthy of applause!
It’s about the long-term outcome of You as a whole and healed being.
It’s about being on your purposeful path in the intent of what you are doing. It actually doesn’t matter if you “succeed” or “fail”. The very act of trying is a win in itself.
And it’s learning along the way, that small steps is how you will build your trust again, in the long-run.
Trust that you will be able to rely and depend on yourself, above all others.
Trust that you are worthy and capable of healing.
Trust that – with all the lessons you are learning along the way, your social anxiety is slowly and steadily being beaten. Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
Learning to trust that, whatever the past may have taught you – that life is full of infinite possibilities to live fully and happily – is the biggest lesson of all.
Love + light