Many of my energy healing clients are healing from the effects of gaslighting abuse. Here’s how I personally experienced this crazy-making manipulation tactic.
Watch the video to learn more about what is gaslighting and what you can do about it, or read the blog below:
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a tactic that’s used by toxic people to make you feel like you’re going crazy.
So, it’s a campaign of manipulation that someone who, quite often, you’re in a close relationship with – so it could be a partner, it can be a parent, it can be a friend or it could be a work colleague. It’s a campaign that they use to make you feel like you’re going crazy.
So, a good way to explain it is if you’ve ever read the Roald Dahl book, The Twits, it’s about this horrible couple called Mr. and Mrs. Twit and they hate each other.
They’re a man and a woman, they’re married, they despise one another and they do everything that they can to make each other feel like they’re unworthy, they’re unloved and one of the things that Mr. Twit does to Mrs. Twit is he glues little piece to the end of her walking stick to make her feel like she’s shrinking.
So that’s an example of the type of manipulation that abusers can use when they’re making you feel like you’re going crazy so they can manipulate your environment by moving things around on you, by putting things in different places, so many different ways they can make you feel like you’re going crazy, by changing things around in your environment.
The other big way that narcissistic abusers gaslight you – they manipulate your memories.
So, you might say, “Remember a couple of weeks ago when you said this?”
And they’ll turn around they’ll say, “What do you mean? That didn’t happen. That never happened.”
Absolute denial of the fact that something that you have in your memory happened.
And because you trust this person, you believe what they’re saying, you want to believe what they’re saying, you don’t want to think that they would hurt you so you think the only rational conclusion is that you’re crazy.
Effects of gaslighting abuse
Now, what does this have to do with anxiety, I hear you say.
SO MANY of my clients who have come to me for energy healing have been the victims of this type of abuse.
It’s insidious, it’s insipid and it’s also highly energetic.
It is one of the worst tools of energetic warfare.
It makes you question everything.
It makes you question who you are, where you are and what reality you’re living in.
So if you have a hunch, perhaps, that you’re experiencing something like this, something like gaslighting, someone is manipulating how you’re thinking, how you’re feeling, your environment and your memory, then this is definitely worth your attention, it’s definitely worth thinking about.
And you might even be at the stage where you’re severely doubting your sense of self and your ability to make connections to draw reasonable conclusions.
And that can have a huge impact on your energetic boundaries, can make you completely lose your sense of self and can leave you second guessing everything.
Examples gaslighting abuse in my own life:
So, I just want to give you some example where I personally have experienced gaslighting in my life:
Now, all of these examples happened in the workplace and all of these examples happened with other women which is really, really interesting.
So, the first time that I found that I was subjected to gaslighting was in my first job after I completed my university degree.
I was working for a company in Sydney and my boss wasn’t much older than me.
Every day, I would go into work and I would get a different version of my boss’s personality just depending on what mood she was in.
Some days, I’d arrive at work and she’d be friendly and she’d be saying hello and she’d be interested in me and my life and say stuff like, “how was your evening?”
And then other times, I would walk into the office and she wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence.
And I noticed in her emails there was an acceleration in her behavior where she was taking credit for work that *I* had done and she was also blaming me when things has gone wrong – and this was when things were directly not my fault.
There were times that stuff had happened and I was at fault and I was more than willing and able to take responsibility for things that I was responsible for but there were times when out and out, she was just simply passing the buck and blaming me which is not an appropriate behavior for a manager to have.
So, I confronted her about it.
I took her into a meeting room and I showed her example of the emails and I said to her, “I won’t have this. It’s not on. I can see what you’re doing. You’re trying to damage my credibility by blaming me for things when they go wrong and you’re also taking credit for my work.”
And her response to me was, “I don’t see any of that. That’s simply not happening, you’re reading this wrong. You’re interpreting this wrong.”
So there I was, as a 21-year old, sitting there, my first job out of university, listening to this person who was supposed to guide and mentor and manage me in the workplace telling me that I was perceiving and interpreting this situation incorrectly was hugely eye-opening for me at the time and it absolutely shifted my confidence.
My feelings of, “I know what’s going on here…”
And I really did question, “Oh, am I overreacting here? Is this something that’s actually quite acceptable that I’m taking offense to?”
And I can sit here and I can laugh in hindsight because I know that what was happening was absolutely unacceptable.
She was behaving in a way that was completely unprofessional and immature as well.
It’s something that, at the time, I took on board as completely my fault.
So, I then took on that energy and from then on, I took that behavior as being something that was quite acceptable and quite okay.
Another gaslighting example… even more crazy-making and manipulative than the first…
Fast forward a few years, I was working in a different workplace and this time, I was working with a colleague who was having huge emotional outbursts in the workplace.
She was having multiple tantrums a day.
She had our manager bullied to the point where my manager felt she couldn’t manage her and we were all under the rule of this particular woman at work.
That was the crazy thing.
And I saw that everyone was putting up with it and I put up with it to a point until I actually found, I was going home after work and I actually entertained for the first time and the last time in my life, suicidal thoughts.
I grabbed myself and I snapped myself and I thought, “Hang on a minute. This girl cannot do this to me.”
So, again, I decided to talk to her about the behavior.
I took her into a meeting room and I said, “Look, what’s been happening in the workplace here where no one else is allowed to critique your work.”
This was work that was being published in a newspaper so it was pretty important that it was correct.
“No one is allowed to critique or edit your work.
Our manager can’t make decisions because she’s fearful of your manner and how you will react.
You have decided where each of us are sitting in the office and your behavior towards me in particular is very stalkerish”
(She was wanting to know where I was going for lunch, what I ate for lunch, what I was eating for dinner, what I watched on the television, what I was doing that weekend. It was a really infiltration-like behavior where she was wanting to know details of my life that frankly weren’t her business.)
So I brought all of this up it the meeting.
And she reacted by saying, “Well, I’m going to tell you how I feel about you. I feel that you are haughty, abrupt and rude.”
(It’s at this point in the video that I’m getting all sorts of throat chakra reactions just talking about her)
She continued, “And I feel like you don’t make me feel welcome in the workplace.”
So by doing that, she absolutely minimized what I said, she gave it absolutely no credence whatsoever.
She actually didn’t even address what I said at all and what she did was she threw a whole bunch of accusations at me which I then felt completely blind sighted by.
I actually ended up in that meeting apologizing profusely to her for making her feel that way.
I said, “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe that I’ve made you feel this way. I can’t believe that I would do that.”
All the while, I was believing it, I was believing that this was absolutely true because why would she say it if it wasn’t true, right?
Why would someone make up stuff like that after I had just told her how I was feeling?
How could she then not tell me how she was feeling?
And you know what?
That may have been the way that she was feeling because to be honest with you, in my personal experience in the experience of a lot of the clients that I’ve spoken to about this type of abuse the abuser feels that they’re doing nothing wrong.
They feel completely justified in what they’re doing.
They feel like it’s completely okay to do this because they actually feel like they are above you in the circumstance.
So that is why it’s often a tactic or a symptom of narcissistic abuse because the person who does this that you don’t have enough value to feel like you’re sane.
All you are is an instrument to what they want to achieve.
So, the fact that you’re feeling all of these things, it’s literally nothing to them.
They don’t care.
And I sit here and I laugh about what I’ve put up with from the past from this type of gaslighting abuse tactic but when you’re in it, when you’re experiencing it, it is so bewildering and…
(Again, my throat chakra becomes blocked – so many throat chakra symptoms for me talking about this.)
It’s shocking and it’s bewildering.
So, gaslighting obviously affects your throat chakra.
It affects your ability to tell your story.
Why is that?
Because your story is effectively replaced by someone else’s story.
Someone else is manipulating your sense of reality, your perception of how you see the world to their own view to achieve their own aims.
Recovering from gaslighting abuse
What you need to do is to get space between you and your abuser and if you’re not in the circumstances where you can get physical space from your abuser, you need to get energetic space from your abuser.
That’s why I created my Space Between Your Brain Cells meditation, which you can use when you’re feeling so caught up and so wound up and not sure where anyone is or what you’re thinking or what reality even is, what’s real and what’s not anymore.
You just need space between you and your abuser so that you can regain your sense of self, you can put your story back into your throat chakra and you can regain your sense of self in your solar plexus.
Let’s put these narcissists back in their place because they have no business making you anxious anymore. This life is yours!
Love + Light
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