by Eva
(Anxious Relief)

Unhelpful advice: Why it's helpful

Is it so ridiculous to ask you to stop overthinking things, my Butterfly?

I get that overthinking is 99% of your issue. And I get that the reason why you overthink is because you think you can’t not overthink.

But it’s a merry little pickle isn’t it.

I mean, you know, logically, that your own mind is almost 100% the problem.

Your mind, which you rely on to indicate to you what the conditions of the world around you are – is throwing you for a loop.

And you develop this distrust and even dislike of your own brain.

Because it causes you pain. And confusion, and guilt, and all those other less-than-wonderful things.

So when someone tells you to “stop overthinking” – they clearly don’t understand you, or social anxiety, right?

Well… They may understand more than you are willing to give them credit for.

And you really must give them credit for at least thinking that you are capable of this great feat – of letting go of anxiety long enough to stop overthinking.

They can see something in you that you cannot see in yourself after all: They can see a ‘you’ that IS capable of thinking in a logical and straightforward manner, without any need for introspection or over-analysis.

And while you are probably quick to dismiss it, thinking “Ah yeah, walk a mile in my shoes mate – spend 10 minutes in my brain and see how you like it!” –

You need to stop and consider this: If another person can conceive you as someone who is whole and healed, could this possibly be a sign from the Universe that it isactually possible for you?

Yes, I will admit that this idea is a stretch – especially if you are someone who has struggled with social anxiety for so long that you forget what it’s like NOT to be socially anxious!

And it’s also highly likely that you interact with people who share these viewpoints several times a week (or perhaps every day, if you live with them!)

You need to see this point: They do not see you as some type of nut that they need to crack.

Their opinions are their hopes for you.

Sure, they may get frustrated, angry, confused, even jealous of this social anxiety ‘monster’ that seems to hold you back.

And if you take a moment to see things from their perspective, without judgment on yourself, you can see that they have the right to their own opinion, and the right to voice it.

That doesn’t mean that you need to agree with the opinion, or take it on board – but it is what it is, and just like you have the right to shut down whenever you are triggered, they have the right to express their opinion.

You won’t always agree with everyone, my Butterfly.

But just because you disagree with an opinion that someone has about social anxiety, doesn’t make it wrong.

It might mean that it doesn’t fit with your own story, or resonate with your soul – but it isn’t inherently wrong.

And the best way to forgive someone for overstepping the mark and saying *just* the thing that you DON’T need to hear… is to know exactly what you DO need to hear.

And this is why most socially anxious women become unstuck.

Because they don’t know what they need to hear.

Because they think, “If I knew what I needed to hear, I would be CURED right now!”

The truth is: There’s no magic cupid’s arrow that will shoot your heart full of self-love.

Self-love is a daily discipline that is cultivated over at least 30 days of consistent, daily conscious thinking and acting in alignment with your values.

It’s true that in order to know what you WANT, you need to know what you DON’T want.

So these people who piss you off with their sweeping statements about how you should just “think positive” are actually doing you a favour.

So instead of getting reactive, get creative.

Create what you NEED to hear, for yourself. Then repeat it. Daily. Several times a day. MILLIONS of times a day. For at least 30 days.

You’re worth the effort.

Love + light
Eva xo

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